The Men In My Life
I’m not gonna lie. There have been a lot of men in my life. And no, just for your own peace of mind, I’m not talking about any of the useless idiots I mistakenly married or stupidly dated… I’m talking about all the wonderful men who have helped me in innumerable ways to tackle the challenges of life, love, and living in the jungle. I’m actually talking about men in Mompiche.
Some of the men who help me out here are just passing through, like Fred in the photo above. He was only around for a few months, but he left a lifelong impression on Secret Garden. Fred’s incredible work, and the important work of countless other travelers who have lent a hand for a week or two on their way through, have made the massive mission to build a home in the jungle immeasurably easier. I would not have come this far without them.
There are some wonderful Mompicheros, born and bred in the village who are also amazing men. Any time I need help with something, there are a few people I can call on. Remember the brothers who cut down The Almond Tree and crashed a part of the massive tree trunk through the brick fence? Yeah, those guys… I can call them for big or small jobs if I need something specific. I can also call José and/or his brother Winston. In fact, in the end, I enjoyed the destruction and reconstruction of the brick fence so much, I called these guys to do it again with another side of the fence that was cracked in last July’s earthquake. José and Winston live diagonally across the street, so they’re my go-to boys in any emergency. There’s another José who lives around the corner I can call for help if no one else is available, and of course, there’s the amazing carpenter Angel Paz who takes care of all the woodwork jobs, and also Linver for any plumbing emergencies like that time the kitchen tap broke off at the base and there was water all over the kitchen floor...
There are a few men I can go and visit just to talk and hang out. Roberto is often found at home swinging in his hammock, gazing out at the sea, checking out the surf. He’ll happily make us some coffee and sit around chatting. We swing in hammocks and talk about life. We’re the same age. We’re both grandparents. We are both in similar situations with our children. Our grandkids are the same age too. We have a lot in common but we are also different enough to keep our friendship interesting. When he was alive, I used to go and see Yulo just to sit and chat and pass the time.
Every Saturday, Gonzalo and his son Christian drive up to my gate in their truck filled with fresh fruit and vegetables and various other household supplies. They carefully fill two or three woven reed shopping baskets with my orders and then help me carry the heavy baskets upstairs into the kitchen. If I happen to be a few cents short, or if Gonzalo doesn’t have any change, we sort it out later at his store on the main street. If I need something special, I can text Gonzalo and he’ll pick it up for me whenever he does the supply run for the store. The owner of the other store, Isauro also gets special orders for me, but he doesn’t bring fresh food right to my gate…
The fishermen are also an integral part of the Mompiche experience. Don Talon often makes sure there is at least one fish in my bucket. There are several other fishermen I can rely on for a fish or two as I visit each boat while they are cleaning their nets. Efren never fails to give me fish. He used to work with Nyongo and Nerih who always made sure I had some fresh fish in my bucket, but they’ve both passed on now. Rubén and Pato often give me a fish or two and even the fishmonger Angel doesn’t mind passing me a fish if he has plenty to spare. If I hang out around the boats while the nets are being cleaned I can usually fill the bucket with fresh fish. Mostly, I take bycatch to make the cat food, but every so often, they’ll gift me a really good fish for lunch or dinner. My favorites are snook, sea bass, and plaice.
Of course, the most important man in my life is always going to be Dad. Putting to use the practical lessons he taught me as I grew up has been incredibly rewarding on so many different levels. It’s because of Dad I know how to use hand and power tools, and how to engineer projects for the house. My “How would Dad do it?” approach to transitioning my ideas into reality works. Taking these insane concepts [e.g.: a composting toilet inside the house], actually building them into real projects, and problem-solving along the way wouldn’t have been possible without Dad’s invaluable input.
Call me crazy if you like, but I saw Dad recently during a therapeutic shrooms session. We sat and talked for a long time. He looked good. He was happy to be free of his body. He showed me some of the quiet lessons he’d been trying to teach me that had become lost in the louder noise and clatter of a big family. We went down memory lane together and I saw clearly what he had been trying to do. There was complete closure. I felt more connected to him in that moment than I had for the longest time. I know he’s got my back.
As for any pending romantic relationships… Bah, Humbug! I’m much better off alone, no stress, no mess. I just wish I’d known that forty years ago…